Heroes do exist: "Time for a Frosty Farewell to Cupcakes"

There are dark moments in history, when the forces of evil are on the march, laying waste to entire nations, leaving nothing but death, destruction, and desolation in their wake.  The silence of the dead and the wailing of the wounded suffocates the stillborn hope of the survivors.  I am, of course, referring to the unprovoked aggression of the Gourmet Cupcake Overlords Overladies against all health-loving, proud, self-respecting, and free peoples of the world.

And in such moments, rare individuals are called upon to say and do great things, unlikely heroes drafted by history.  Joe Queenan, author and humorist, has just written a truly inspirational call to arms, words that, when we prevail -- and we will prevail -- will be recited in classrooms by our children's grandchildren.  Below are a few choice quotations.

On historical legacy:

"Like the Macarena, Tofutti, the pedestrian scooter, the urban cowboy look of the early 1980s and America's brief, misguided obsession with Paris Hilton, the era when the cupcake was in the ascendant deserves to be consigned to the dustbin of history. What a nightmare it has been."

On marriages that serve gourmet cupcakes at the wedding:

"My own belief is that a marriage that begins with the cupcake can only end with the Cheez Doodle, that a marriage conceived in frivolity will find its natural climax in tragedy."

On American Greatness:

"There is a subversive element at work here, too. The cupcake, to me, symbolizes compromise and acquiescence, a retreat from American greatness. The scaled-down cupcake—minuscule, inconsequential, silly—is a Carter-era bagatelle. It is frou-frou. It lacks muscle, sinew, cojones. It signifies that the cupcake eater, in the words of the immortal Warren Zevon, appreciates the best but is settling for less. Warren Zevon was never, ever seen eating a cupcake. He went to his death denouncing the cupcake. Or so I am told."

So poignant, so powerful.  I stand in awe, my resolve strengthened, committed to the death.  The full piece is here, worth reading now, and worth reading out loud on the 4th of July each year.  No longer an American Independence Day, but an Independence day for all humanity.  The day when humanity said No more.  The day when we declared our freedom.

OUR INDEPENDENCE DAY.

Thank you to Melissa for the link.